In readying myself for filming and photographing another wedding, I catalog at least two distinct types of anxiety (from a proper taxonomy of some unknown and perhaps unlimited sequence and structure).
The first arises from feeling unprepared. Have I eliminated as many points of failure as possible? Have I done all that I can think to do, in preparation? It’s especially vexing given the infrequency with which I take on these projects. Do I have a solid mental plan? There is nothing but doubt, usually, in answering these questions.
The second, related perhaps but of a cousin-kinship at best, is played across a game of waiting. So much of what I will be doing is reacting, however much I will have a plan, the batteries can only be charged until the lights are green and ready. I can’t start using them until tomorrow, and therefore whatever fretting is resolved by doing, I must merely wait, or ignore, until the actual thing is happening, in real time.